This is My Darkness

Of all things I think there are some feeling for T, this can be extreme bad for me, I mean like today there were.some serious flirting going on, arghhhh this is bs…well back to the band roman holiday, I actually like them

Where is a hosted when u need one I swear

The epicnesss that is yesterday that was soooo informational.  I couldn’t even blog about it, I am not completely sure I still can. I have to get it out my head so it can be more sorted. But I know that I come away with the feeling that bitches be crazy and always be jealous of me. I am damn I am like nothing. Then there is assumption that I am jealous of them. I am incapable of being jealousy whether is from life experiences or some born in trait. Who really know but damn bitches be crazy.
 
To start at the beginning, there are some phrases that I could clarify to cause the flow. When referring to party I am talking about Xbox live party. It’s the common place where a good chunk of my friends lie. Keep in mind that I met these ppl in real life. Well a few of them anyways.

Ids say I met T, around November, or so, I think. To describe T I would say he is the male version of me almost to a tee. Besides the fact I am much darker in personality. Which is good assumption cause I am darker that most people. It’s also something I unfornately hide from ninety percent of the people I know. Back to the story at hand, I guess the way we talk and jokingly insult one another can be seen like a “old married couple” even though our ages are similar I think. I honestly don’t know how old he is. At this stage in the beginning if you will call it that we were very much semi flirtatious amongst only us. The group of friends had no idea about this of course. Or the fact that he called me every day, always when I was trying to sleep, damn jack ass. Maybe the flirtation was semi serious, I did say papa smurf with him in a way. The extent of my seriousness is up to debate. In the fact I do not now find black men attractive. That hole another blog in itself.

To fast forward the story to bit. I noticed that he stopped calling and text as much which lead to my assumption that makes me an ass. In the sense as the saying goes, you make an assumption then that makes you the ass. That he had serious feeling for A, a white chick with two annoying as kids. At the time I didn’t think of anything of it. But now that I have had time to think about it, I believe that she did not like me at all. Another thing when I “met” her she had a boyfriend or something at the time. So why would she instantly not like me. I mean she knew about the on going to joke between me and T. The joke is like nothing. I have find the joke really funny. You know.

Then came the time me and T stopped talking or even gaming. But I did notice that he would always be in a party with A. This noticing is no where near jealously of any kind. It was more of curiosity. Then A bunch of craziness happened in my life, like trying to move out of a room that was becoming a stressful situation, then my older brother getting sick and nothing to serious, just had to get appendix out so thus I had take time of work to deal with that and stuff. These all things that kept be from getting online. Little did I know other things were happening.

As I said me and T totally and entirely stop talking at all. I started playing games and being in party with L, she a lesbian addicted to anything almost zombie related games. Which is good. Plus nothing shooting zombies after boring day at work. Then one day were playing games and all of sudden T joins the party, I would say this was about beginning or middle April. By this time he had moved from cali to Colorado. I know big step. This where my assumption came from. I though originally thought he moved to Colorado to be with A, I mean he was in her house and the information I have gathered from mutual friends lead me to believe so or something. Thus I figured he was playing soon to be daddy to the little annoying monsters that A has.

Then all sudden we started playing games some more. I of acted the same way as I always did with T. I aint one to hold a grudge or anything, Sure I have vindictive nature. But what woman doesn’t. As usually A was in the party often. We developed of team for gaming so to speak or something. Then T starts calling everyday, often when I sleep or taking a nap. Of course our conversation are long and shocking enough he actually remembers things a say. Very odd of a man, anyways I was often secretly wondering if A was okay with him calling me everyday. I never asked this question. I wanted to see how things played out. What would happen, what can I say the drama of other people romantic lives can very entertaining to me. Specially the one I am somehow get in the middle of, when I had done nothing to put in the middle to begin with.

This all has lead up to yesterday, when he calls me as usually. Although recently they had been spaced out more. T tells me that he didn’t go to Colorado to be with A. Which A was under this assumption, this leads to wonder did he fuck her or not. Seeing as they are no together in the sense that I thought. I am not sure if he needs the relationship or not to fuck. But T tells me detail that A is extremely jealous of me. Also that he “divorced” or something within the joke and I was bitter and jealous. Which is all fucking lies, I was indifferent about the whole thing. Also if I was in the party with T, then A would be jealous. How can this white bitch jealous of me. I am nothing. Me and T are entirely just friends. Maybe there is a little flirtation, but friends of opposite sex don’t have little flirtation in them really.

It truly blows my mind that this girl is jealous of me. Should she be more concerned about her kids. Did I mention that her kids would sometimes be in the party to. I was never silent about my annoyance and distaste for them which A thought was jealously. I mean in what world is my hate for children considered jealously oh my. It remains on my mind if fucked her. It like key question to bring things more together, I can see how it could look like that T went to Colorado to be with, In A mind. But with this phone call, I do know that A never liked me, the reason why now more is clear that ever. I mean seriously why be jealous of something who is far away.

As they say bitches be jealousy of my swag lol.

so motherfucking tired I dont even know what to say, I hate them damn dogs with a passion, being awake a three am is bullshit